I just attended a meeting with Helen Tworkov, the founding editor of Tricycle Magazine. Tricycle Magazine was a first and important magazine for all things Buddhist. They had articles from various different schools of Buddhism, practices and news, and articles on how the teachings were being transmitted in the East and in the West. Needless to say, this magazine was an important aspect of burgeoning Western Buddhism. I asked Helen what she felt was happening with mothers in Buddhism at the time, whether or not she was a mother. She answered that she wasn’t a mother so she didn’t have a response to that question. Not in a position to dialogue about the subject in this venue I let it go-sort of. While walking my dog after the meeting I found myself getting more and more re-stimulated, remembering my experiences as a young mom who was deeply devoted to Buddhist teachings and practices while at home with a young child. How alone I felt.

Mothers were not even on the radar in early Western Buddhism. Sure there were a few pockets, like Green Gulch Farm, where families lived and practiced together, but these opportunities were few and far between. Once in a while I’d find a family retreat with Tich Naht Hanh or at Spirit Rock, but there was no consistent support for women struggling at home to maintain and make sense of their Buddhist practice in the monastic model that was prevalent. Some women left their children for the practice, but the rest of us just cobbled together whatever support we could find. Mothers were essentially invisible in the discussion of bringing Buddhism to the West.

Struck by the lack of spiritual support that took into consideration my life experience, I began research into how different spiritual practices outside of Buddhism guided moms in their practice. Basically I heard the sound of crickets. We were told that mothers are holy or that they were unfortunate in not being born men, but nothing specific to our everyday experience of cooking and cleaning and tending to others every day. At the same time, I was watching my own spiritual growth flower in my life as a mother and homemaker. I became more selfless, experienced a deeper understanding of unconditional love and developed the discipline to forge ahead when times were tough. There was no acknowledgment of this growth in the Buddhist literature I was reading. Mothering was viewed as just hard, as an impediment to awakening. But that wasn’t my experience. So, even though I wasn’t a writer, I stumbled through writing up my experience of mothering as a spiritual practice and how certain Buddhist practices were helpful to the everyday challenges I was experiencing.

There is more written for mothers these days and the tent is much bigger than it was in the 70’s. The writing is generally about how to use mindfulness to cope with everyday challenges. This is useful, yet not much thought has gone into depth regarding the many other aspects of this important subject that affects a large portion of the population. Western Buddhism has a ways to go to truly include families, not just now and then for a family retreat or for people living in unique Zen communities, but for the rest of us at home and in the world. Disregard of mothers is an active hidden effect of patriarchy in many cultures, including Buddhism. There is a lot of work to do to make up for centuries of neglect and we are just at the very beginning. If Buddhism is to thrive in our Western climate this is something that needs much more attention, thought and love.