Caring for caregivers
We all need caregivers at some point in our lives. As helpless babies we wouldn’t survive without caregivers. When we’re sick or dying, what a blessing it is to be held in the tender care of someone who touches us with warmth and love. It’s a special talent to know how to be with someone who is helpless and/or in pain, a soft talent, not something crowed about or lauded in art or even everyday life. It requires real compassion to stay present in the face of another’s pain. It requires spiritual maturity to turn towards the pain and human need instead of away from it. People with this talent are a blessing to those of us who are fortunate enough to be in their presence. We need to cultivate and take care of this precious resource.
Even though I had an elite liberal arts education I always gravitated towards the simple hands on aspect of caregiving. For years I worked as a nurse’s aide and then as a musician and entertainer in nursing homes. This work carried me through a difficult time in my life. I was going through a divorce, becoming a single mother and not sure how I was going to make it on my own. As challenging as my life was, these women and men, who had been left in nursing homes to die, were undergoing far greater challenges. I lost my husband and security, they lost everything. It was a strong practice in gratitude for what I had and for the possibility of finding joy in life, even in the midst of hell.
When I was working in nursing homes I met a number of nurse’s aides who saw their work as a calling. I remember a young women who told me she loved caring for the elders. She said she saw her grandmother’s face in each patient. I understand why she loves this work. It is a privilege to spend time with those who have lived a full life. There is a satisfying intimacy in taking care of another person’s basic needs, touching them and feeding them. And the gratitude that is often expressed is heartfelt and healing. Each person contains a story, wisdom to be mined, a bit of magic. Of course there are those who work as nurse’s aides because they just need a job and have no heart for caretaking, but you find that in any line of work.
A year later I ran into this same nurse’s aide who loved caring for others. She was working at a market bagging groceries. She told me that even though she loved taking care of people in nursing homes she couldn’t afford to stay in that industry and that the system was wearing her down. Bagging groceries at the market paid more and offered a friendlier working environment than caring for the elderly in the nursing home! Pure gold washed down the drain.
An engaged Buddhist path brings our practice off the meditation cushion and into the world. Since suffering exists everywhere humans reside, there is no end to places we can practice compassionate attention. Some practitioners go to the prisons, some to the streets, some to homeless shelters, some to the hospice centers. Working with each of these populations offers unique rewards. They all carry the burden of our collective suffering. The unique challenge in serving caregivers is they are scattered everywhere. Caregivers don’t really congregate. They are in their homes taking care of children or other people’s homes or institutions. Their invisibility makes them a challenging segment of society to support. In today’s world caregivers often work 2 or 3 jobs in addition to taking care of their own home, children and elders. Many are single parents, many can’t even afford rent. If they can afford rent it is often at the expense of other necessities like health care, proper diet and rest.
Just as racism is a systemic problem, the devaluing of caregivers is also a systemic problem. Caregiving does not build capitol or leave traces that can be bought and sold so the work is demeaned and low paying, if paid at all. It is hard to impossible for a caregiver to escape poverty, especially when they have children and are the only source of income. These caregivers are at the very bottom of the social ladder. They are paid the least for their work and given the least respect. They are invisible until we need them. Then they are the most important people in the world. Working alone caregivers have no power. But in a group their value can be demonstrated. One group in the USA working on this problem of a living wage is Domestic workers alliance. Serving caretakers, outside of lobbying for better wages and working conditions on the political level, presents unique challenges. How do we lend dignity to this profession?
When applying my Zen training to the issue it is clear that the problem of disrespect for caregivers comes down to a disrespect for everyday life activities such as chopping vegetables, making the bed and cleaning the toilet. In most cultures these activities are deemed less valuable than painting a painting, writing an advertising jingle or manipulating numbers. In Zen, life sustaining activities that involve caring for our environment and for one another are honored as high practice opportunities. There is no intrinsic spiritual value in painting a painting or in cleaning a toilet. The spiritual value lies in the state of mind we cultivate while performing any task.
My love of caregiving has morphed into a love for caregivers- the mothers and grandmothers, women and men who raise children, care for the elderly and put food on the table. Caregivers sustain all of us and deserve our support in every way we can imagine. Politically and economically they deserve a living wage and the right to a safe work environment, socially they deserve our respect, spiritually they deserve to be seen as more than just servants. They are human beings as capable of awakening as anyone else, maybe even more capable of experiencing an awakened mind due to their life of selfless service.