Returning to the World

It’s a year into the COVID 19 lock down, there is a new president and the vaccine distribution is starting to enable us to cautiously re-enter the world beyond necessity. The first stirrings of spring and the opening up of our communities are inspiring reflections on the past year for some of us. The stories of this past year’s experiences vary widely. For some it has been hell, for some not so much. As we tell our stories we honor one another’s experience. Each story has value and each story is as real as any other.

 When looking over this past year I remember seeing many more people walking on the street by my home the first few months of the quarantine. There were couples walking together, families with strollers and bikes and, my favorite, moms with their teenagers walking and talking. Families that lived together were forced to be together more-for better or worse. The initial activities of adjusting to sheltering in place included moving into Zoom (and other online connections), less concern with appearance, gaining and losing weight, and sometimes stupid expenditures. This is a common story for those of us who didn’t need to continue working outside of our homes.

 In the third month of the quarantine my daughter and granddaughter moved in with me. We settled into an inward life style, each working in our room and meeting in the middle at meal times. My website had already been set up to offer Zoom meditation before the quarantine. We stuck to a program of free meditation online for the entire year, which continues to this day.  Online meditation proved to be a wonderful way to organize my time while in quarantine. I came to love the people I sat with and was so happy to see them each day. I think this was one of the reasons I didn’t suffer from loneliness. I did experience illness and depression this past year, but it was manageable. I have greatly benefitted from my love of all things domestic, from a strong internal life and deep practice. I’m fortunate that I have not lost anyone close to me. This extreme good fortune is not lost on me and I look for ways to pay it forward every day.

 It’s too early to assess the full effects of this pandemic, and the subsequent quarantine, on our lives and on the culture. It may take generations to reflect accurately on the problems and benefits that have arisen due to this unprecedented year. Still, we can’t say this year of quarantine has been an unmitigated disaster. Everything that happens moves us along our mysterious path. It’s like the Chinese story of the farmer whose son falls off his horse and breaks his leg. “How unfortunate”, his neighbors consoled him. Soon afterwards the military began a campaign that required all young men to report for duty. The farmer’s son did not have to report because he was lame from his broken leg. “How fortunate you are!”, rejoiced his neighbors. The story goes on and on, ping ponging between congratulations and consolations. It’s a good reminder not to jump to conclusions or get stuck in our interpretation of the events in our life.

 For example, I was standing in line to get my first COVID vaccine. It was icy and rainy and the line wound around the building and across the street. It moved at a snail’s pace. Everyone in line was 65 or older. Standing there trying to decide if I wanted to stay in line and get pneumonia or leave and get COVID I decided to stay in line and started meditating. Standing there, shaking in the cold damp air, consciously relaxing into the reality of the moment, I noticed that I was surrounded by baby boomers. I made a few baby boomer jokes and, bit by bit, the line became congenial. We danced for the cell phone cameras, told jokes, wondered if we’d be given pot infused lollypops after our shots and shared stories about our families. It occurred to me that I hadn’t been in the company of strangers for some time so I allowed myself to enjoy getting to know my line mates. These fellow former hippies reminded me of why I love Northern California. By the time we reached the front of the line and moved into the hospital for our vaccinations I can honestly say we had become friends. This day, that could have left me irritated and unhappy, turned into one of the most enjoyable days. I could have left the line and lost the opportunity to get vaccinated or stayed in line pissing and moaning and making myself and everyone around me miserable. Instead I pulled out my handy being in the present moment tool kit and let go of picking and choosing how I wanted things to be. I stayed where I was, was present, and watched emergence. Not only did I get the vaccination, I made new friends and had a great day. The power of meditation to transform pain into wonder never ceases to amaze me.

 This last year has been different for each one of us. Some of us lost loved ones, some faced loneliness, some had to go to work facing dangerous conditions, some enjoyed the quieting of their lives, some became more creative, some became deep and still, some felt pent up, penned in and frustrated. Some can’t wait to rejoin actual contact with groups of people, large and small. Some feel hesitant to venture out and are comfortable with the quiet groove they’ve carved out in their lives. It’s important to honor our own unique experience of this past year and not judge our life. Your pain is as real as anyone else’s pain, as is your joy. Whether you’ve had a hard year or an easy one, or a combination of the two, this is your life. When you fully embody your experience, your life does not go by without you in it. It is your adventure, your path of awakening.